The Concretes, “Say Something New”
My first band practice at Charlie’s house was… An experience. My stepdad and I pulled up to the driveway to find Charlie and Andre decked out in some mod Beatles-esque apparel. Andre was wearing a black blazer and a brown turtleneck, and Charlie was wearing a baby blue blazer and a black turtleneck. To top it all off, they had all their instruments out on the front lawn. They tipped their imitation Ray Ban sunglasses at us when we arrived. My stepdad just rolled his eyes.
I wasn’t prepared for this; I was wearing Chucks, my Misfits tank top and a vintage red polka-dotted pencil skirt. “Here, put this on!” Charlie said as he tossed me a red turtleneck. “This is FLORIDA,” I said, “It’s the middle of July and I am NOT wearing a turtleneck!” “Fine, tie it around your shoulders then,” said Charlie. “The turtlenecks are sort of a… Homage.”
I stepped up to the keyboard and said nothing. We played “You Are My Sunshine” a few times to impress the neighbors, then discussed our stage names. “I’m Elton,” said Charlie, “And Andre’s Tan Man.” “I don’t wanna be Tan Man!” snapped Andre. “Well, you’re wearing brown,” said Charlie.
"Well I’ll be Muffy,” I said, stroking the turtleneck hanging upon my shoulders. It began to rain. We dragged the instruments back inside and simply had a photoshoot. What a lovely Friday.
PJ Harvey, “Sheela-Na-Gig” (Live at the Reading Festival, 1992)
Gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
Gonna take my hips to someone who cares.
More PJ Harvey wisdom. I think I liked her better in the ’90s.
Upon my arrival back home from Jenna’s house, I found a functional, secondhand computer at my disposal! Thus, I spent my morning transferring all my old files and installing the internet. Yay.
Did I mention my little sister is not allowed to use internet on my computer? Double fucking YAY.
My first band practice with The Kites is tomorrow… Super yay! The first item on the agenda: mastering our cover of “You Are My Sunshine.”
I am currently at my old friend Jenna’s house. Yes, I know, this is peculiar of me to update at three AM. Anywho, I have just watched some silly movie on albinoblacksheep.com, listened to Dane Cook, had a couple of brownies… Of course I’m still fucking awake.
Danny asked me out a couple of days ago; I could not give him an immediate answer, as I wasn’t even sure I really liked him… I am completely certain he just wouldn’t comprehend me if he really knew me. Yesterday, however, we both agreed that a relationship would be difficult anyway, since we go to different schools and such. I still might try to go on a date with him though… Just to see.
Charlie’s going to see The Cure. I am so jealous.
Ugh. Going back to school in three weeks means seeing Adam again. Ugh. Three weeks. Grr. Stupid wannabe faux-Nazi. Priss. Ugh.
I love you guys. I guess I shall see you in time.
…Until now. We’re going to the Keys next week with my stepdad’s friends and their kids.
"You won’t be alone, this time," Mom told me, "they’re bringing along some friends of theirs and their kids.”
"Aww Mom, that’s great,” I said dryly.
"They’re bringing along their son, who’s fourteen. Like you.” She added quite spiritedly.
Look. This cat better like good music and moonlit walks on the beach, or I’m totally out.
I’ll bring my copy of 1984, in case of an emergency.
IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM
On Thursday I gave a zine workshop at girls rock camp, and this was a special mini-zine gifted to me by of one of the campers. I’m so, so glad she didn’t just throw this away! It is a national treasure. Especially the part about white Hoboken boys who like to “turn up” and how the bitch face girl ended up being a “bucket of cupcakes.” I hope she makes more zines.
A mall goth memoir-ist in the making!
The fact of the matter is, I know exactly what I am seeking.
I am so disgusted with myself for it. I’m still pining over Blake. Again. He is too sarcastic, shy with his words. I haven’t even spoken to him in weeks, it’s so horrid of me to even think it’s still possible.
I don’t even know what I MISS about him. I just feel so much regret over all the things I could’ve said to him on the last day of school. I know I’m nothing to him. Am I living in the past? I say I hate dwelling on the past but I am SUCH a hypocrite.
I could just go out with Danny for fun, and try to forget about all of it. Maybe even to get back at… Ugh. But that’d be such a whoreish thing to do. I need to focus on something else.
I’m a sick, sad girl. I feel helpless against my heart.